Addictive Relationships

Intimacy can be a complex and difficult thing, and the definition can change over the course of your relationship. Many people prone to addictive relationships do not really realize it until they get involved in a serious relationship with someone. Many of these people have been serial daters all their lives, moving from one dead-end relationship to another. They assume that this is just the way it goes and don’t really realize that there is another, healthier alternative.

Addictive relationships don’t always start with relationship addiction, but there is often a correlation. Many people who get involved in addictive relationship do it because they constantly need to be with somebody. They find a sense of identity in being part of a couple, not in some sort of inward sense of self. The really tough thing is that they can’t even be happy within their relationships. They are always trying to change people, constantly finding themselves in relationships with the wrong person because they dive into things much too quickly.

To be honest, I never would have figured out that I had issues with addictive relationships if things hadn’t started getting serious. It was like all of a sudden I was getting to know someone better than I had ever known anyone before, and it was freaking me out. There were all sorts of things that I wanted to be different about my partner, and now that I was seeing who she really was, I suddenly felt like I couldn’t take it. It wasn’t like I wanted to break up – I still loved her – but I could feel that both of us were having a tough time getting to a higher level of emotional intimacy. Our own previous addictive relationship dynamics made it tougher for either of us to get close enough to understand our partners and let them be who they wanted to be.

In the end, we both decided counseling for addictive relationships. On some level, I thought this might be overreacting, but I just couldn’t risk it. This relationship meant so much to me, and I wanted to make sure that it worked out. I found myself wishing that I had discovered my addictive relationship problems earlier on and sought treatment before I had met the woman of my dreams. That would have made things so much easier. In the end, however, it didn’t matter. We worked through our own interpersonal problems together, and each of us came out of therapy a happier and healthier person. It was really nice to see everything work out so well. It could have so easily gone the other way if we had been less tuned into what was going on between us. Through communication and honesty, we were able to overcome our history of addictive relationships.

Addictive behavior finds a new venue: our electronic gadgets!

We Americans are not alone in our zeal for the latest electronic gadgetry. People all over the world carry their electronic communication and music devices with them, literally everywhere. It’s funny that we are so used to keeping in touch, 24/7, that many of us even take them on vacation! How is it possible to relax on that beautiful beach in the Florida Keys, with dingers, bells and buzzers are going off every ten minutes? This smacks of a new style of addictive behavior.

I talked with a woman recently who said that, before she goes to work, she goes for a swim at a community pool for her daily exercise. She brings both her cell phone and blackberry – just in case! “I just can’t stand to be out of touch! It’s important that I be always accessible!” To protect her gadgetry from chlorinated water, before plunging in to the pool, she slips them in plastic zipper bags.

Not wanting to be contentious, I said nothing. Silently, I wondered what might happen if a kid ran by. Two visuals popped up. One was a crunching sound as the kid’s foot landed squarely on the instrument. The other had the kid slipping, pushing the gadget in to the pool. She’d laid the bags about four inches from the edge of the pool. I wondered how she would ever hear her gadgets crying out to be noticed. Might someone steal them? The addictive behavior aspect struck me immediately, because she didn’t leave them locked in her car. Because they were useless while she was swimming her laps, this meant that she wanted to have access the very moment she exited the pool.

Sure, there are some people who, due to the nature or importance of their work, are required to be available. However, that teen over there, walking between classes, texting as she goes, probably isn’t one of them.

Addictive behavior with electronic gadgets is so widespread, that some states have legislated use of, for example, cell phones. So many people were talking on cell phones as they drove down the freeways, there was a notable increase in traffic accidents.

One expert likens gadgetry addiction to alcohol addiction, pointing out that just as the alcoholic is unable to moderate their use, the gadget addict is in the same mindset.

If you find yourself unable to go anywhere without your electronic friends, understand that this is addictive behavior. You should take steps to rein in your obsession. Here are a few suggestions to help you get a handle on the problem.

If it’s Saturday and you’re going to the gym for your weekly workout, leave your electronics at home. If you need to make a call, there are phone booths – remember them? On Friday night, your work week is over. Every little thing is all wrapped up and you know your boss isn’t going to be calling you at 10pm on a work issue. Remove the battery from your electronic pal and stick it in a drawer.

Another signature of electronic addictive behavior is the gal who checks every 30 seconds to see if she’s missed something. Just as with the smoker trying to quit, wean yourself slowly away from this habit. Check every fifteen minutes. See if you can make it to half an hour.

Here’s another helpful thought to ponder. All addictive behaviors have the element of a master-slave relationship. Now just who is going to be the boss here?

Alcoholism Is A Disease

Nowadays, the conventional wisdom among drug and alcohol abuse treatment experts is that alcoholism is a disease. This view, however, is far from universal. There are many people who have spent more time and effort trying to answer the question is alcoholism a disease than trying to cure the condition. In some ways, it makes sense. If alcoholism is a disease, then our way of understanding it changes. We cease to see it as a moral failing, and therefore we cease to see the people who are alcoholics as morally culpable to the same degree. If alcoholism is not a disease, then if you are an alcoholic it is your fault and it is your responsibility to a greater degree. According to this theory, people who drink too much alcohol do it because they choose to do it, not because they have to.

For me, this whole debate over whether alcoholism is a disease or not is misguided. The fact is that some people become addicted and others don’t. Of the addicts, some are able to overcome their addiction through sheer force of will and others aren’t. As a society, our responsibility is to help chronic alcoholics to overcome their condition. Whether alcoholism is a disease, a choice, a lifestyle, or something else, it still is a problem for a lot of people. Rather than worrying about who’s at fault and to what degree, we should worry about the most effective alcoholic treatment.

The idea that alcoholism is a disease points to some interesting facts about the phenomenon. Alcoholics – like other addicts – have a lot of trouble stopping what they are doing. Even when they aren’t enjoying it anymore, when they know it isn’t helping their lives or making them feel better, they keep indulging their addictions. Some people say it is just a matter of insufficient force of will – that any alcoholic could overcome his or her drinking if he or she put their mind to it. Other people say that the compulsions are too strong and addicts can’t resist. The important thing to me is to look at the facts. The fact is that most alcoholics don’t get better on their own. Whether or not we believe that alcoholism is a disease, the fact that it requires treatment is beyond question.

If we choose to believe that alcoholism is not a disease but instead a matter of lack of personal well and initiative, we still can’t ignore the fact that some people don’t get off the drink on their own. We can say they can’t get off because they aren’t trying hard enough, because they don’t really want to, or for whatever reason, but we can’t deny that they will probably continue to drink until they get help. It’s very easy to judge people who are running into trouble that you don’t have, but it’s much more constructive to try to give them help.

Is It Really Alcoholic Behavior?

There may come a time when you look at someone you love, and you may wonder if they are exhibiting alcoholic behavior. What can be scary is that there can be problems long before you see them, and the person with the problem may never see them, and there is nothing that you can do. The behavior that is associated with alcoholism can be different in each person, and that means that things can be hidden long after there really is a problem. You have to know where to look for help.

Alcoholic behavior can mean different things. Some deal with depression and sad events by drinking more, and that can lead to long term problems. Other can do the same thing but pull out of it within a month or so and then be fine. Alcoholic behavior is something that goes on over time, and gets worse as it goes. When the drinking behavior associated with alcohol starts to ruin relationships, and may interfere with work and other activities, there is a problem. That can not be your guide completely though, as some alcoholics can live and lead normal lives without it interfering with work and family. They are still suffering, hurting their bodies, and will eventually hurt their families, but some function rather well for a time.

The first problem with alcoholic behavior tends to be alcohol abuse. This does not mean that someone is yet an alcoholic, but it does mean that they will be if they do not stop what they are doing. The hard part about this is that the drinker will rarely see a problem, and there is really nothing that you can do about that. Many with alcoholic behaviors have to hit rock bottom before they get help, and even then, that is not always something that sticks with them.

When alcohol abuse is ignored, the person will turn into an alcoholic, and that is when you will truly see the alcoholic behavior come out in someone. If you or someone you love is having a problem with behaviors that may point to alcoholism, help is out there. However, a person cannot get help until they know they need it. There are many great organizations out there to help with alcoholic behavior, and can even help someone determine if they really have a problem. Finding and using the resources for the alcoholic or for the family living with one can make all the difference in the world.

Alcohol And Drug Abuse

Most people can tell the difference between alcohol and drug use and abuse, but ironically those who need to know most can not. Alcohol and drug abusers tend to suffer from addictive personalities, and they’re very good at denying when they have a problem. I was using drugs recreationally for quite a while before I realized that I had a problem. The thing is, most of my drug using friends didn’t. It was easy for me to hang out with people who would get high now and then and pretend that I was like them, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t simply take it or leave it. Soon, my alcohol and drug abuse dominated my life. Rather than simply getting high on the weekend as a harmless way to blow off steam like my friends did,I was getting drunk or high practically every day. Sometimes, it seemed like I could not go for more than a few hours without a fix!

When I finally realized that I had a problem, I decided to check into an alcohol and drug abuse treatment center. The funny thing was that I didn’t feel too bad until I got there. A lot of people who have dealt with alcohol and drug abuse will tell you that the worst part is getting clean. Many of them, in fact, live a reasonably normal life with pretty serious habits for many years. It is only when they bottom out and try to get off of drugs that they really realize how far they have fallen.

Drug and alcohol detox feels worse than anything you can imagine. Is like a really bad flu with a fever, only several times worse than that. You shake, you vomit, you feel sick all over, and sometimes you even hallucinate. Of course, the difficulty with detoxing from alcohol and drug abuse varies from person to person and from drug to drug. Some people can get off the stuff pretty easily, but I couldn’t. It was miserable, and it seemed to take forever.

The people in the drug treatment center recommended that I stay there for at least a month, but I actually ended up checking out as soon as I had come down off the drugs. I was confident that I could conquer the alcohol and drug abuse on my own as long as I had time to detox in the center where I could not get my hand on any more dope. I have to admit that it was difficult, but I did do it. Those couple weeks of treatment gave me the edge I needed to get started on my own. Once I checked out, I knew I never wanted to have to go through detox again. I got over my alcohol and drug abuse problems and have never looked back.

Addictive Personality Disorder

I actually didn’t find out about my addictive personality disorder in any of the normal ways. A lot of the time, people with addictive personalities are very good at self deception, and I was certainly no exception to this rule. Every time I would come down with another addiction or relapse into an old habit, I would have some excuse for myself. I would tell myself it was no big deal or that I was only using it this once, knowing all along that in fact my addictive behavior would continue. A lot of my friends wanted me to go in for addiction treatment and counseling, but I was having none of it. I went back to my old ways, forcing myself to believe That there was nothing wrong.

It was actually a free personality test that cued me into the problems. It was meant as a psychological self-evaluation. I found it accidentally when I was wasting time by taking Internet personality tests. At first, I took it as a joke, but with every question I answered I realized that there was something wrong. It was one thing when my friends told me that I have an addictive personality disorder. People close to you care about about you, they worry about you, and sometimes they go a little bit too far in their concern. I could easily convince myself that they were overstating the problem. When an online personality test told me that I had an addictive personality disorder, however, that gave me cause to think. I knew that the test was objective and it wasn’t being swayed by concern for me. After all, it was just an automated quiz! I figured that maybe it was time to go in and see what a psychiatrist had to say about things.

When the psychiatrist told me that I had an addictive personality disorder, I can’t say I was surprised. It was weird, but I had spent so much time denying things that, once I started to admit that I had a problem, my resolve cracked. I was ready to commit to treatments without a moment’s delay, and the shrink was all too happy to recommend a good treatment facility. Apparently, with severe addictive personality disorders, sometimes the best course of action is to isolate yourself from general society for a few weeks. They give you time to recuperate and reflect on the problems you have been facing. After that, you can gradually re-immerse yourself back into the normal wider community. An addictive personality disorder never goes away, but with counseling you can learn to control it. Nowadays, I know when I am about to do something stupid and succumb to my addictive personality. I’ve learned self-control, and that is worth a lot.

acupuncture to stop smoking

When a good friend of mine recommended acupuncture to stop smoking, I was a little bit skeptical to say the least. She was in the middle of an acupuncture continuing education program, and was filled with zeal. She was learning some new tricks of the trade and wanted to try them out naturally. I did not really think it would work, but I figured it was worth a try. When she offered me free acupuncture to quit smoking, I thought I would be crazy not to give it a shot.

I had been through acupuncture treatments before, and I knew that they were very relaxing and mellow. I figure that at the very least I would have a relaxing time and, feel more refreshed than when I came in. Besides that, I could use any stop smoking help I could get. I was approaching 30 and I knew that, if you don’t quit before the age of 30, your risks of smoking related illness increase tremendously. I figure that acupuncture to stop smoking might get me to the point where I could finally quit for good.

I had expected to have a definitive opinion about the stop smoking acupuncture. I figured that either it would work well or it wouldn’t work at all. What I found out was that, While the results were good, it was hard to determine What role the acupuncture had played. Certainly, the fact that I was able to quit after the acupuncture to stop smoking was a good sign. For the first time in my life, I finally stayed away from smoking for more than a month. Then again, I was already prepared to quit at that point. I was Also taking anti-smoking pills when I went there, and they were helping me somewhat. What I think happened was that the acupuncture to stop smoking tipped me over the edge. Along with everything else, it was just enough to give me the nudge I needed to quit for good.

If you’re trying to quit and have the opportunity to try acupuncture to stop smoking, I would highly recommend it. It really does cut down on the cravings noticeably. I think that for some people it might not be enough alone, but if you have the will power, it could reduce your cravings enough to really give you the edge you need. Quitting smoking is a deeply personal and extremely difficult process, and every situation is different. Still, I think for pretty much everyone, it can help. It calms your body, soothes your cravings, and takes the edge off a little bit. I’ve heard that some people are more responsive than others, So it’s possible that the effect will be even greater for others than what I experienced.

Parents! Adolescent substance abuse is a reality. Don’t stick your head in the sand!

Every parent with a teenager knows that they need to be vigilant in order to protect their kids from the ever-growing list of dangers in today’s world. However, too many parents are stuck on thinking that their child would never engage in behavior that might lead to dire consequences. The world is just not the same as it was twenty or thirty years ago. Every day, we hear and read of violence in schools, child predators and the relatively easy availability of drugs. Yet we think that our own kids are far too sensible to fall prey to any of these dangers. Adolescent substance abuse is rampant and sticking your head in the sand is no solution.

Teenagers today are exposed to the most vile elements of society, often right at school, where you mistakenly think they are safe. If you query your teen on the availability of drugs, you’ll learn that they are solicited every day and that just about every drug, from prescription drugs to crack, cocaine, meth and heroin are available from other teen drug dealers right on the school grounds. Teens are in perhaps, the most vulnerable and difficult period life has to offer. The problem is that they lack judgment and sufficient experience. Peer pressure is a heavy burden. Rare is the teen who won’t succumb to their peer’s urging to try a pill for the sheer pleasure of a high they might never recover from. The statistics on adolescent substance abuse are horrifying.

So how do you counter this reality of adolescent substance abuse? Many parents believe that acknowledging the problem will only make their kids aware of drug use and abuse, thus opening the kid’s eyes to something that’s best not mentioned. This has got to be the absolute worst strategy. What you, as a parent, need to understand, is that your kids are well aware of the drug scene. What you don’t say may well end up ruining your child’s life.

Kids today are, unfortunately, conversant in the shadier elements of society. Your best bet in protecting your kids is to get the issues out in the open. Discuss the problem of adolescent substance abuse in realistic terms. Let them know you understand how peer pressure is one of the many pitfalls of adolescent life. Just as surely, explain the effects of various drugs, what’s in them and the reality of addiction. If you don’t know about these drugs, go online and educate yourself. Whatever you do, don’t come across as delivering a lecture. They’ll tune you out. Make sure you have a two-way conversation. Let them have their say. You might learn something.

Adolescent substance abuse is largely a problem of peer pressure, availability and lack of experience. Don’t worry about being too graphic when describing what happens to, for example, meth and cocaine addicts. Here’s one case when, properly discussed, your kids just might listen to you.

‘Just say no’ doesn’t work! Adolescent drug addiction is common – here’s what works

The statistics on teen drug abuse and addiction are horrifying. Unfortunately, these statistics usually err on the side of conservative numbers, as many teens are unwilling to admit the reality and parents are often clueless. The Nancy Reagan ‘Just say no’ approach does not work. The reality is that there are a plethora of truly devastating drugs that are readily available to kids as young as eight! Middle and high school students are inundated with offers of drugs. The types of drugs are far more dangerous than those of past decades. Today, adolescent drug addiction is, sadly, common.

Many parents still cling to the ‘just say no’ philosophy, feeling that their sage advice exhorting the child to simply refuse overtures of illegal and prescription drugs will do the trick. Nothing could be further from the truth. During the adolescent period, any parent can tell you that this is a replay of the terrible two’s. Your teens and pre-teens want to spread their wings. Most of your advice is taken with a ho-hum attitude, perhaps even a bit of patronizing towards the parent as some antique who has never seen the outside of a paper bag. What makes you think that your child is going to heed your injunctions against drug use, any more than they are going to agree that your fashion sense is superior?

Whether you’re a teen or a parent, a little reality check is definitely in order when confronting the adolescent drug addiction issue.

Parents, do you have prescription drugs in your medicine cabinet? The answer is yes, more likely than not. While your dentist prescribed some vicodin for that root canal with legitimate reason, you may have taken it for a couple of days and the remainder sits in your medicine cabinet. Pain killers are tempting to teens who have only heard about them – in school. They don’t know that there is a difference between using them for real pain, versus just getting high. Your teen may just pilfer a few of those leftover pills in order to be able to tell their friends how cool that painkiller makes them feel. They believe that they are having the same experience as you after that root canal. Prescription drugs are often a child’s first introduction to drugs, a precursor to the adolescent drug addiction syndrome.

Having experienced the thrills of prescription drugs, teens want to explore this drug world for even better thrills. That’s where they fall prey to the really bad street drugs, such as cocaine, crack, meth and heroin. Don’t fool yourself into thinking this is not a viable and logical progression. The trouble is that kids throw all drugs into a single classification. The sad truth is that adolescent drug addiction begins with approved prescription drugs.

If you don’t know about street drugs, do a little investigation. This advice includes both teens and parents. If you only know what ingredients go into some of the more dangerous street drugs, you wouldn’t touch them for any reason. There’s a certain romanticism spread about regarding drugs. You know, being the avant garde and so forth. Celebrities do drugs, right? Artists are notorious druggies. Adolescent drug addiction results from a good measure of this type of thinking.

Battery acid is not a component of a normally functioning body. In fact, ingesting it is a pretty disgusting idea. Yet it’s a common component of meth. Cocaine addicts grow increasingly violent over time. Heroin users are self-described as ‘up and dead’. Is this a romantic condition?

The fact is that adolescent drug addiction leads to a very unromantic death. At the very least, your body is a wreck before it has ever had a chance. You’re dealing with poison. Think about it. Parents, talk straight and do your homework. The problem is real.

Signs Of Adolescent Alcohol Abuse

You may know that there are some teenagers that drink, and perhaps even do drugs. You know this because you see it on the news and may have read stories about these things online. However, the hardest thing to accept is that your teenager might be one of those children. No matter what type of child you have, there is always a danger of adolescent alcohol abuse. No matter how smart, popular, or moral you think your teenager is, they are always going to be at risk for trying something they know they should not be doing.

Adolescent alcohol abuse usually starts out with a teenager trying a drink because their friends are doing it. It can be the influence of someone older, but that is not always the case. Some teens try it, but do not touch it again until they are of age to drink. Others use it once in a while, but they don’t feel the need to do it all of the time. Another segment will end up with adolescent alcohol abuse issues because they have problems and an addictive personality.

Those that develop adolescent alcohol abuse are usually looking for a way to deal with problems. These could be the average problems that all teens face, and others have deeper issues. If they discover that alcohol can dull some of the pain, they want to do it more and more often. They can then have the same problems that an adult alcohol has, and those could also make them move on to other things like drugs. They are also going to do things while drunk that they may not normally do. Alcohol alters the brain, so they are not thinking as the normally would.

Some of the signs of adolescent alcohol abuse are the same as those you would see in adults. Your teen may be coming home later and later, and they avoid standing near you so you can not smell the alcohol on them. They may have a harder time waking up in the morning, and they can be very secretive about where they are going and even with who they are hanging out. Probably the most notable of the signs of adolescent alcohol abuse is a shift in normal behavior and personality. It might be something else, but alcoholism should be considered.

Other signs can be more subtle, but you may notice a few of them. Your teenager may be getting into trouble in school, or you may notice that they are withdrawing from you. If they have always been moody, you may notice that they are even more so. When things do not seem to make sense, it might not be adolescent alcohol abuse, but it is usually something serious that needs your attention. The teenage years are hard, and teens can fall into things they can not control. That is why you have to be the parents, even when it is one of the hardest things you have to do.